Tag Archives: people

Something That Was Keeping Me Up

Now, I’m going to preface this by declaring that I don’t purposefully set out to target atheists but I have the most questions about them because a lot of their world seems to be so far askew of logic, yet they seem to revel in believing themselves superior of intellect of those that are religious in some way, often combatively so.  I don’t care if you are religious or not, honestly.  Do whatever makes you happy.  Yes, both camps can decide their hyperbole, be it about abuse or rape or whatever disgusting, dark place your mind decides it wants to go to and get back to me later.  I’m here to ask the atheists a question that wouldn’t leave my brain, and I’m asking them because they seem more willing to give answers that aren’t simply some hand wave of a Jedi mind trick.  So, without further ado, here is that question:

Are hope and prayer not the same thing?

On the surface, this question seems a bit aping, trite and silly.  Well, one might say, hoping is a bit more realistic because it gives way for failure whereas prayer is putting one’s stringent, unswaying belief in a munificent being.  But I’m not sure anyone can honestly be so foolish to assume that if you believe in something it will happen at all costs.  There is always room for failure.  But you have to dig a bit deeper, and to do that you have to begin at the surface.  At what the words themselves mean.

Wish.  Pray.  Hope.  These words, all three of them, mean the exact same thing.  They are all synonyms of each other, thus, they convey the same idea.  But only the one in the middle.  The one with some sort of ridiculous religious connotation would be considered taboo among the most steadfast of the non-religious sect.  And I can’t wrap my head around why, mostly because those that don’t hold a faith still wish and hope for things.  Most of the time they wish and hope for things they can’t control, which is what a religious person might pray for: That a sickness be healed, that a couple has a healthy child, that someone passes their class of choice.  You can hope or pray for these things, but only one will get you lambasted or defamed in certain sects of the public.  Is it really okay to be afraid of a word that holds the same merits and ideas as two others you may deem totally acceptable just because someone chose to align it with something you disagree with?  And yes, I know that we can run the parallel with other words that discredit an entire race, or sex, or anything else.  That’s what I’m trying to do, I’m trying to figure out the offense because I don’t understand.  I’m not trying to raise hell or condemn or whatever else you may think from these words, I simply wish to hear why someone would be taken aback by something that is meant to be positive on your behalf.

I know quite a few atheists that hinge their entire being on the solidarity of science.  But I also know that they hope and wish for things because they are human.  They want to have good things happen to people.  They want good things to happen to them and try to imagine them and want them and that’s fine.  But the issue at hand is that none of those ideas are scientifically sound.  When science deals with uncertainties it does so with theories and hypothesis and does so with pretty exacting language.  “This will work because such a reaction occurs.” or however else you wish to run your idea.  If you were working with the certainties of science while dealing with the desires of humanity, by logic you would either have to say that you will or won’t succeed and there is no gray area to it.  If dealing with certainties there is no try, only do.

Those three ideas are dealing with the uncertainties of the future, the unpredictable things that happen to all of us, and our desire to want to get out of those situations.  Wanting the positive, idealistic possibilities within the sphere of outcomes that is the future is, by definition, hopeful.  To be optimistic you have to wish for the best.  You have to.  There isn’t a second road to optimism.  To be optimistic you have to believe in something, be it a bearded man flying around on a cloud, to believing in someone close to you, to believing in a second chance at life, to just believing in yourself.

We are all the same.  All of us.  We are not right, nor are we wrong, we are all just being.  We all believe in something, so why does the method in which we do so cause such rifts between us?  Why should any of us cause contention or disorder and bring ire to other people that are just like us because they think something different?

Everyone:  It’s time to grow up!  Accept that there are some people out there that don’t agree with us, that will never agree with us, and accept that as a fact and move on.  Don’t dwell on the negatives.  Don’t stop at the differences.  Find the similarities and build upon that.  It’s time for us to stop defeating ourselves and others with paranoia, with delusions of grandeur, with superiority, with castes and segregation and gentry.  We can change.  We can make things better.

We can improve the world for those that come after us, learn from our mistakes and nurture their successes.  We need to believe again.

We need to believe in each other.

What 2011 Meant To Me

2011 was a load of shit.

Like, seriously, no question about it.

It started off pretty awesome, but around, like, May or June everything kind of pivoted on its heel and gave me a pretty awesome high kick to the jaw.  I mean, as amazingly productive as I was this year (some of it unfulfilled or entirely worthless) it was still a fairly lackluster experience, and may go down as probably one of the worst years come to pass since 1957.  That’s an arbitrary number, don’t think about it too hard.

I mean, yes, all the praise that I’ve gotten for the podcast, or my music, or my writing, or whatever, that’s great and everything, but it doesn’t really amount to something that I’ve lost that’s about a million times more important than any of that.

I’ve lost faith in a lot of people that were close to me.  Clearly, that’s what most of these blog entries were about.  It’s pretty much the most soul crushing realization of my life.  I’m pretty fastidious in my resolve to let bygones be bygones, allowing others to be themselves and all that other malarkey, but even then, there’s a goddamned limit.  As of midnight last night I’m done dealing with the sociopaths, the greedy, the needy, the liars, the sneaks, the backstabbers and the ne’er-do-wells.

“Well, there goes all of humanity,” you might say.  And fuck you.  You’re an idiot and one of the people I’m trying to distance myself from due to your unnecessarily malevolent jackassery.

I not only learned that I’ve lost faith in a bunch of conceited jerkoffs, but I’ve learned that I’m not 100% like my father or 100% like my mother.  I’m the worst combination of the two that could have possibly erupted into this world in a sticky mass of blood and afterbirth.  So here’s the scoop:

I am antisocial, yet quick to trust.

It takes a lot for me to dislike someone, even if I know they’re worthless and gross and terrible, but once I’ve harnessed that despondence of your character, you’re pretty much done and, if it can be achieved, I will not want anything to do with you ever again.

I am an angry, spiteful individual, but I can use it for humor.  Humor that I control to make others happy and make them smile because that’s my true passion.

People like me, but I don’t understand why.

I fear everything and everyone, yet I love everything and everyone.

I am simple, yet complex.

I am self-disparaging, as I am incapable of doing anything of substance, but a real cheerleader because for anyone else, anything is possible.

Should I change this behavior?  I don’t think so.  I like who I am, and I like what this has made me.  I am a supporter.  I am analytical.  I am a thinker.  I am a creator.  These quirks help me in those fields and regularly help enhance the things I do.

If there is any justice in Cosmic Law, I will be able to cull these abilities, these traits, and make them stronger and more fluid.

That is my goal for the year ahead.

A goal I plan to achieve.

Bubble World

And people wonder why stupid teenagers think the planet revolves around them.  Really?  Well, let’s break it the fuck down.  Due to their little social bubble world, all they have to do is call someone up and, in most cases, they are given immediate attention.  They go on the internet and can see an entire screen dedicated to them.  Everything moves toward them, everything involves them, and they don’t have to deal with any external force if they don’t want to because they can stare at a screen and stick sound filters in their ears and condense everything into three to five letters and surround themselves with bullshit that they identify with, that labels them, that has everything to do with the self and nothing to do with anyone else.  That sense of immediacy and the ignorance sphere is what made them entitled and stupid.  It’s really everyone’s fault because it takes a village to raise a child.  We gave them the world in pog form, and they made it a World of Self, it ruined their sense of shame, their idea of patience and any notion of modesty.

So maybe next time we can dial it back, maybe mete out the rewards, reinstate the waiting game.  Something.  Anything.  Because we have to fix this impossibly huge fuck up somehow.


I just had an interesting conversation about cell-type phonulars.  Like, I don’t get it, why are they suddenly so important to the health and well-being of society when there are about a billion other ways to get in contact with someone due to the persistent connection nature of the here and now, but cell-type phonulars are still exceedingly prevalent, in some situations completely replacing all human contact with a simulacrum of the conventional conversation.

I hear people say at times that it’s easier to lie on the phone than in real life, and, yeah, I guess that’s awesome?  I don’t really know if anyone else can feel that rumbling of uncertainty, but that seems to bode incredibly ill for the future of society at large.  Like, are we intentionally reverting back to tribalism?  There seems to be an increasing number of idiots that are errant sociopaths (as opposed to the corollary?), liars and, for a rare lack of better words, genuine nogoodniks.  I’m not blaming the portable electrical speech machine on this trend, but from personal experience and examination, it does seem to breed apathy, ignorance and spite.  Everyone seems to have turned into Janus.  Yes, that’s rather esoteric, but I do that.

So I got to thinking, it’d be an interesting and probably fruitful social experiment to just have everyone rid themselves of these devices to try and break that dependency.  To see what happens to us when it is taken away.  Will we have more to talk about?  More to experience?  Will human contact cease being gauche and once again become the preferred modus communicandi?  It’s an interesting thought to me, mostly because I think it would be jarring to see the gnashing and wailing of the public at large.

This all comes up because phone plans are goddamned expensive and they have no reason to be.  Someone, who is a genius businessperson, decided that data, which is not a physical thing and is as old as relayed information itself, can be charged and paid for.  I hate that person.  I hate them a lot.  They are pretty much the big reason why talking to people via technologically assisted telepathy is currently so ridiculously expensive.  I mean, it’s not just limited to this field, clearly, as internet service providers, just to name one, work with a similar model, but of course, with our need of immediacy and our world filled with children, some actually children, some just developmentally equal, that require instant gratification, we have started paying for these luxuries, and yes they are clearly luxuries, hand over fist and treating them as necessities.

Sorry, but you can wait to talk to your BFF Jill a couple more hours.  Whatever inane thought just went through your stupid head doesn’t need to be exported in verbal form OMGRIGHTNOW.  We need to reinstate patience as an important and necessary thing, because it has been gone for a long, long time.  I, myself, am guilty of some impatience, but knock it off.  There are few things in the world that are so important that it can’t wait.

I’ll get into this more later.


And now, an excerpt:

“If you fired a silver bullet, would it kill me?
Think about the implications for a second, all that time we spent together last year around this time, when the leaves started changing colors, when your cheeks started changing colors any time we met, any time we spoke.  What did all that mean?  To me, it was nothing more than a blossoming friendship, one I’d hoped we could hold on to forever, one devoid of that ridiculous ad hominem that a man and a woman cannot just remain friends.  Is it possible?  I doubt we can ever find out now.  Whatever relationship we may have had has been tarnished beyond reconciliation, it seems.  But still I ask:
If you fired a silver bullet, would it kill me?
It just seems odd, dear, that any time I notice you leering around the corner you vanish upon viewing, that you’ll ask everyone but me if I’m doing okay, like they know anything.  Yet all that gnashing and wailing you did about some guy harassing you, and all the support that not only I, but most of the people around you levied upon you, bale upon bail, and you cannot return the favor even though you may be one of these incredulous creatures that may have caused my life to spiral into an almost unremitting agony, the rare, few glimpses of happiness I get from the few sources that remain to me.  These people that call themselves friend, but are just people who think they know what they’re talking about with who they are talking to.  The type of person that relies upon masks to be social, that don’t display who they are.  And you are one of those.  But still I ask:
If you fired a silver bullet, would it kill me?
Your facade is wearing thin.  People know what you’ve done, what you’re doing, and what you are going to do, and that’s ripping at your frail psyche to the point where you can’t hide your condemnable actions with a smile, a blush or a flirt.  Your body language and face go against each other, you advance with your eyes and retreat with your being.  What confused you so?  Is it the lies upon lies that are collapsing in upon themselves?  Is your world imploding because you’ve been found out?  Are you helpless because you are unable to help anyone?  Are you tired of being used, abused and exploited?  Or do you have fun with the lies and Stygian chaos that you’ve sowed around you and, at this breaking point, it amuses you so because you believe you have manipulated and controlled all the pieces in this game?  Look again.  Your pawns aren’t crowding around you, they are descending upon you, and when you need someone to save you, who will you come searching for?  I ask you:
If you fired a silver bullet, would it kill me?
No, it would not.  As a being of pleasure, as an incarnation of lust, as Eris resumed:  You are incapable of love.”

Dignity, Or A Lack Thereof

Something that’s been bothering me for a while is the sudden and inexplicable loss of any sort of dignity in a lot of the  human race.  Not to mention the cessation of any feelings of modesty and the death of humbleness.  Like, we have this mouthpiece to slather all of the internet with ignorance and ire, and, as the internet is currently in the process of being absolutely commingled with the real flesh and blood world we live in, it’s eventually going to cause everything to be nuked from orbit by precision strife cannons.  Like, honestly, what happened to people to make them so bitter, resentful and wholly caustic to everything that displeases them?  When did we forget that honesty is not sometimes not the best policy, that words can overturn actions and that it’s better to keep your fat idiot mouth shut when something doesn’t concern you.  We’ve become a society that has been overrun by mouthbreathing, opinionated children that don’t know how to think with anything other than the reptilian part of our brain, creating an entirely new language without the help of our Neocortex that consists of nothing but contracted phrases and monosyllabic phonetic acronyms.  What, in our advanced technological age, caused our devolution to something that resembles the apes that we may or may not be descended from?  We’ve become such a basic species that seems to be crossbred between simian and magpie.  We grunt and bungle around from place to place in search of the new, shinier tool, even if it has no practical use and is actually worse than the current thing we are using, if it has that Apple-esque sheen, we want to clumsily clutch and fumble toward it, because we want to be on top of the hill in regards to that theoretical “great new thing”.  Somewhere along the way we let ignorance and vice blow far past knowledge and virtue.  We have sects of people that are willing to do idiotic, horrible things to others and themselves because they don’t care about anyone or anything except for the short-lived immediacy that whatever awful proclivity they might have will bring them, and while I may have expounded on how horrible complacency might be, that needs to be restored to at least somewhat of an inkling.  I’ll modify my thoughts upon that  subject by adding: You can be happy with you have, just don’t settle for it.  We have teenagers idolizing the base mental and physical neglect that they might see on the TV box or in the movin’ pictures because being famous is the easy way out.   You don’t need talent or skill to be  showcased to the world anymore, you either need to be rich or uniquely stupid and/or brazen.  And why?  If that’s what having fame is all about, I’m glad to be some chucklefuck in flyover country because I still have self-respect, despite what any of my self-effacing humor might indicate, as I’ve become quite inured to it.  Something needs to be done.  We need to get back to the roots of what it means to be human.  Humans may be animals, but we have the means to not act like it.  Humans may be animals, but we have the means to reason, think, discuss and react with tact and nobility.  Humans may be animals, but we can react with logic rather than instinct and, instead of becoming some overblown, overpopulous, tribally segregated group of giant, hairy children, we might want to start using our incredibly advanced and powerful brains to function and move the opposite direction and figure out not where we are now, but where we can go from here.  What can we do to fix the issues that are currently hounding us that won’t just come back in the future to bite us in the ass like an Ouroboros?  What can we make to give us better lives that doesn’t sacrifice the working class for more machinery?  What can we do to actually start working together instead of separately, become an incredible think tank to figure out how we can be the best we can be?  It’s not impossible.

All  you need is a little dignity.

Can Do!

There’s a certain danger to being a candid person.  You like to speak my mind and tell whoever is around you what you’re feeling and expound upon the general jackassery around you, and trying to say all you can about it without naming names, so as to give your work the old Dragnet treatment.  “Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.”  Is it worth it if they’re not innocents?  That’s a whole different topic for completely different post.  You don’t like censoring your thoughts or your life, diluting them into easy to digest solutions.

It kind of goes along with the problems that opinionated people have.  It kind of drives others to not want to be around you, especially if you’re some kind of jaded cynic of a bastard of a person.  But I digress.  Some folks consider opinions to be some kind of an absolute fact rather than something relative to the person or persons that are saying or writing them.  And when the fuck did that happen?  Whoever started that totally insane logical fallacy should clearly have had their head examined.  Then again, this could also be one of those paradoxical things wherein that was their opinion and it got widely accepted as a fact.  I don’t know.  It doesn’t make sense to my brain, and that’s kind of the problem.  I keep attempting to make sense of an insane world.

But when you lock on to these opinions and you want to say things about them, no matter the consequences, even when, or especially because, they include portions of your friends or family or coworkers or whatever other group you want to bitch about, there’s inevitably going to be one question that always gets slung in your direction:

“You could have just told me about it.”  Or the variant, “You should have brought it up.”

This is wrong on multiple levels, so let’s break this down.

No, I couldn’t have told you about it because you’re a human and humans are daft and emotional.  You would have taken it the wrong way and been destructive rather than constructive about it.  Humans are also idiotic and vindictive, so if I would have brought it up, you would have exacerbated the thing that I am irritated about and been even more irritating, which is counter-productive, and probably would have caused some sort of idiotic social battle between the people that agree with me and the people that disagree with me.  Humans are also morons and grow complacent about certain things.

And that brings us to an old credo, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Which is just absolutely stupid.  It’s about as stupid as the belief that a person is smart, and it’s the mob that are not.  Well, no, it always takes just one idiot to create the mob in the first place.  If you grow complacent in the things that are happening around you, everything becomes stagnant, boring, a complete rut in your existence, and, unless you’re fine with living in a shitty, boring life, you’re going to go nuts.  Another completely insane trait of the majority of humanity is its craving and desire for dynamism.

Change your shit up, or risk going insane.  If it ain’t broke, figure out a way to change the way shit’s working without breaking the machine.

Easier said that done, of course.  But it’s worth the attempt.